The Gaming Gods were kind to us last year. Thank you great deities for blessing us with Red Dead 2, God of War and Spider-Douche, we all appreciate your generosity. What we don’t appreciate is the utter s**t. Like a God who will bless the rains down in Africa, he shall also create parasites that burrow into the eyes of children, and so the same can be said for the releases this year.
We have truly seen a wave of great games hit the shelves this year, but we have also seen enough crap throughout 2018 to cover our entire bodies head-to-toe, enough even, to disguise ourselves as a Ubisoft salesman.
So without further ado, let us kick off this list: 5 of The Worst Games of 2018.
5. The Quiet Man
We are kicking off the list with The Quiet Man. This third-person action-adventure game was developed by Square Enix and Human Head Studios. The Protagonist, Dane, is deaf, if you didn’t guess from the title, and is trying to save a pianist. The game follows a series of beat’um up scenarios where the combat is janky and unfulfilling along with hefty cut-scenes. The game tells the story through a series of cinematic live-action film sequences featuring real actors at points. A mini-movie in a game, sounds awesome right? Wrong, the acting is ridiculously cringe-worthy and in all honesty, pretty pointless. It’s not a great feeling to go from watching budget TV to then jumping back into a silent game with very little to offer.
As Dane the deaf man being deaf and all, most of the film sequences stop you from hearing the dialogue, leaving the player completely lost at the plot of the whole thing! The only sounds you are able to hear are the faint sounds of thrown punches and kicks, which I can only describe as underwater farts.
To say one thing, it is an interesting idea for a game. It indeed had the potential to be something different. Yet, Square Enix and Human Head Studios have only created a truly unforgettable game – Tell a lie, the main characters haircut will forever haunt my dreams.
The tag line – Silence Rings Loudest – really emphasises the games cheese-y-ness and idiocracy.
4. Metal Gear Survive
The hole that Hideo Kojima left has proved larger than expected with this release of Metal Gear Survive. Published by Konami this game has allowed most MG fans to burrow under their covers and cry themselves to sleep with the hope that Kojima would make a swooping return dressed in full lycra. Can we complain, REALLY? I mean, what did we all expect? Milking the Metal Gear Moo Cow was a sure way to make it onto this list and for the few that maintain this title still had something to it, I feel nothing for you, pure emptiness. Metal Gear Survive is a poor excuse to suck the cash from fans across the globe, and it does so with a huge f***ing smile on its face and a nuclear-powered hoover to zap up every last penny.
The game starts with a wormhole opening up above mother base. We don’t know why, but we move on to other things happening for again, no apparent reason. In a world of zombies and… well not much else, considering we can hardly see due to the bloody clouds of dust, we must survive. Players have to gather resources, fend off attacks protect chokepoints, and chat to boring characters. Don’t get me wrong, the times when you are protecting your base can be fun as it is the only time you feel yourself breaking a sweat due to all the stuff you’ve gathered. This mode is also available to play in 4 player co-op, yet the other aspects make the game full short. The stealth style Metal Gear is famous for seems wanting, plus the times you are detected by the undead guys is easily shrugged off with a mild jog. The enemies alone do not offer enough variation and again, add to the repetitiveness of the game.
The grind-fest of Metal Gear Survive really fails to tickle my pickle. The world definitely did not need another zombie survival game, let alone one made from the damp cloth soaked by Konami’s tears.
3. Conan Exiles
I’m seeing a pattern here… Another survival game has made it onto my list! Conan Exiles, released back in May last year and is still as buggy and underwhelming upon the initial release. Developed and published by Funcom this boring and stale game has easily landed a spot with most game reviewers as one of the worst of 2018.
The reason I placed it here is merely to mirror the mistakes game developers are making with this survival genre. Tedious amounts of gathering resources leave you with no real sense of achievement other than a mud-hut, a few rocks and a need for a glass of water. Not sue to the desert setting, but to spit-take when you start playing.
The combat is boring, lacklustre and not engaging in the slightest. Not only this but taking the leap of faith and venturing out into the unforgiving wasteland has a similar effect. Walking around for hours will do nothing except dehydrate your character, kill you, and throw you right back at the start with nothing but a loincloth to your name.
If you ever get to the stage of finally creating a small village for yourself you have the added bonus of capturing and putting to work some slaves. Empty NPC’s will haunt your grounds for a long as you want, a great addition for an already bland-as-f**k game.
I apologise for the language, but I’ve had it up to my earholes with this unwanted survival nonsense developers keep throwing at us like ginger step-children.
I believe most of us are aware that a game as painfully bad as this being set in hell, is amusingly ironic. This horror/survival/stealth game creates initially an interesting idea for a game. Stepping into the shoes of a tormented soul, damned to hell for all eternity you are thrown into the depths with no recollection of your past (If this could only happen with this masterpiece then I would only be grateful). Once settled, your aim is to get out. Simple enough. Then, through a series of sneaky-sneaks, using certain buttons to crouch and hold your breath you must sleathily make your way past demons and monsters.
Surprisingly over time, you find that this terrifying, eerie and depressing environment is relatively useful for your escape. I know that’s the point of it all, but to make it a little less obvious would have been a nice touch. After a while, you can feel nothing but a subdued hatred for the game. The main stealth element creates wavering amounts of frustration and really speaks volumes of the game’s development. A few measly scares at the beginning is all to look forward to.
Like I mentioned, this game had the potential to be a decent stealth horror game if executed correctly… in maybe the horror or stealth departments. Sadly, Agony provides more torture for the players than the actual characters.
At least demon boobies made an appearance.
1. Fallout 76.
I can hear the distant screeches of Bethesda fans about to storm my living room right now, dressed in power armour holding pitchforks. Well, I stand by it. Fallout 76 had taken a rather large deuce on the otherwise impressive reputation Bethesda had created for itself over recent years when it came to RPG’S. Not every release was amazing, no, but the majority, if not all, had provided me with hours of fun as well as an engaging story regardless of the bug-stew it was boiling in. In all honesty that’s the reason it is top of my list, Fallout 76 also headlines 2018 as the biggest let-down of the year.
Waking up in an underground bunker where everything up top has gone t*ts-up is the usual way in which a Fallout game starts sure. However, doing so with no previous mishaps or any intelligent NPC dialogue hits this game off with a giant flop. The crafting system again adds countless wasted hours, the VATS system makes no sense in real-time multiplayer and the environment is lifeless and mundane.
I frankly never thought I would see the day an RPG from Bethesda with as much to it as a piece of dry toast.
There you have it. 5 of The Worst Games of 2018.
Let me know your thoughts. What is your pick for the worst game of 2018?